Being Comfortable

"Being comfortable is sharing your time without awkwardness. Being comfortable is to enjoy each others' company, although what you can give is just your mere existence by one's side. Being comfortable means that you don't have to apologize when you accidentally touch, and to freely mess with the radio without asking first. Being comfortable is calling someone without reason, just because you want to talk to them, or because there's a new movie that you want to watch, but you have no one to go with." 

What's written above, the definition of being comfortable with someone, described by a novel titled Melbourne, strikes me.

Is it that easy to feel comfortable with someone? Wouldn't you still feel a slight feeling of discomfort, no matter how you feel at ease with said person? Apologies will still be said, the feeling that you might be bothering the other person will exist.

To be comfortable with my current best friends is a blessing that I remind myself every day. But still, the feeling that I might annoy them still lingers. I am not one that will strike up a conversation first, be it texting or calling out of the blue, asking people to hang out, and so forth. But still, I need someone that can be there when my loneliness and bad thoughts are consuming me, just be there, hug me and tell me that everything will be okay.

I used to feel that this is not good for me, that I have to have the courage and reach out to other people first. I often wonder if I have done enough to retain my friendships and if I am a good enough person for people to want to stay friends with me.

People have different perceptions of being comfortable, so what exactly is the definition of being comfortable?

For me, being comfortable is when I can sit for a long time with someone without a feeling of awkwardness, passing the time together, talking about anything, or just spend our time together in a comfortable silence.

Being comfortable is when I can ask someone to accompany my impulsive tendencies and do random stuff. To be the real me, the hyper, random, talking-your-ears-off me, without thinking that they will judge me because I trust them.

Up until now, I'm still looking for someone that can tear down my walls of protection completely, someone that can make me say how I really feel. Because frankly, I tend to bottle things up, and I still have troubles sharing negative feelings to someone. Someday, I will find that person, and no matter how things end up, whether the friendship lasts or not, at least I can open up, at least I have found someone and at least, I know such a person that I can share deep things with, exists.

These insecurities and loneliness will someday eat me alive. Still, I have all of my friends and family that loves me dearly beside me and are there for me, I'm grateful, and always will be grateful, I am blessed.

With tiramisu and tea,

                                                 Leticia27